just graduated, time to go to mexico!
furniture, furniture, furniture!

shit. puppy's in heat. if only i'd gotten her spayed yesterday...

Date:	2008-04-13 07:02
Subject:	!
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

i found a stray last night. this one didn't follow me home like the last one, she took a lot of convincing that i wasn't taking her to chop her up for my dinner, but i wasn't just going to leave her running around a busy industrial area.
i don't know what i'm going to do with her yet, though i'm leaning towards keeping her. i posted on craigslist that i found her, but it looks to me like she was abandoned, though obviously at some point i don't know how long ago a pet. she's a really pretty little blonde lab mix and i'm thinking maybe she had puppies recently. her teats seem really big. but most of the dogs i have known in my life were for whatever reason male (or long-haired) so i haven't really looked at the belly of a girl-dog much. spaying leaves a scar on the belly, right? maybe i'll check for that.
the world is a bit of a scary place for her, and going in and out of the house is confusing, but she's following me everywhere Very Closely because i pet her and talk to her and feed her enormous amounts of expensive dog food. (i had to put the food bag in another room because she was just sticking her head right in the hole and munching. no matter how hungry dexter gets he's never done that, just sniffed hopefully, trying to hint to me that i should feed him more often and he's Wasting Away.
speaking of dexter, he's a little bit puzzled about all this, but she's a non-threatening female, and though he's barked at her a few times when she'd been hogging me too much, he's been very good about it, and i think if she stays, they'll be friends. there are a few fine points of human manners that i can't quite seem to get across to him, like not everyone wants to have a dog nose in their crotch (though he's very sneaky about it, just kind of putting his head sideways in that area and sniffing, no goosing) or that i don't really like to be pulled down the street when we're walking, but in everything else, he's just about the politest, or at least most quietly demanding dog i've ever met.
besides, he was AWESOME last night during our daring rescue. we saw the girl-dog (in my head her name is charlie, but i'm trying not to name her out loud in case she doesn't stay) running around across the street, through this huge industrial-type parking lot, and she shimmied underneath a chain link fence so she could stare at us. so i talked to her through the fence for at least 10 minutes, then she came up to the fence and leaned against it so i could pet her, and another 15 minutes later, she shimmied onto our side, and i petted her while i tried to figure out how to get her home without her or dexter getting run over by a car. the whole time i was talking to her, dexter sat next to me and waited, and he didn't get jealous while i petted her, and he usually hates Not Moving While On a Walk and does all sorts of things to show his displeasure, muttering and dancing, but this time he was good. i finally ended up taking dexter's collar off of him and putting it on her (he was pretty excited about that, since that meant he got to run around the parking lot) then i took the shoelaces out of my shoes, tied one around dexter's neck, and tied the other one to the first and the middle of the leash. the lab was not a fan of being on a leash. she cowered the whole time with her tail so far under her legs i thought she was a boy dog, and at one point, not very far out on our walk (we were at least a mile from home, probably more) she just collapsed, shaking, and refused to get up. this was unpleasant for me, because she collapsed in front of what may have been innocent canoodling teenagers, but sounded to me from their nonsensical yelling to be canoodling teenagers on meth. at full dark. and she wouldn't move. for another ten-ish minutes. so after that i kept us at a trot so she couldn't lie down again. at home i gave her the last of dexter's biscuits (i gave him a piece of each one, but he still looked forlorn) and a bunch of his food and after an hour or so her tail finally came out, and when i played fetch with her she got super excited.
ooh, and she appears to be housetrained. either that, or too traumatized to go to the bathroom, but she didn't pee on my floor last night, so we're up several notches from the last stray i found, as adorable as the reindeer puppy was.
nothing ever happens to me, which is why i never post, but, um, i think everyone should like dogs as much as i do.

i pretty much never post because i very rarely have anything new to say.
nonetheless... i have a terrible work ethic. i've barely worked on the thesis stuff i was going to give my adviser tomorrow morning, though i don't feel all that bad because he's super-impressed right now with how far ahead i am. but i have to give him something, and since i'm really incapable of working after 9:00, that means i'm going to have to get up early tomorrow morning. and...grr.
still, NEXT WEEK IS SPRING BREAK.
even though i'm going to santa clara to go to the dentist and the doctor and be sniped at by my parents instead of going somewhere wonderfully warm and lurid, this is still something to celebrate. any time in which i am not attending school is a good time.

i cut off all of my hair this weekend. i had an appt for a haircut, so the night before i had janie cut off my ponytail so 1. i couldn't chicken out the next day, 2. the stylist wouldn't have a chance to ridicule me for my split ends, and 3. i wanted to donate it, and i didn't want to have to talk to the person about doing it the right way. so now i have a ponytail of my hair sitting around waiting for me to get the proper envelope to mail it to Wisconsin.  i really like my new haircut. this is the shortest my hair has ever been, and my natural hair texture agrees with it. it's more fun to ruffle when it's this short.
i just discovered that the rhodie gardens are free on tuesdays and wednesdays, AND dogs are allowed. i finally went over to look at the sign, and it just so happens to be a tuesday, so dexter and i went in. AND we got there right before sunset. awesome. dexter was VERY excited by the plethora of ducks and new things to pee on. there aren't very many walk-to-able places in our area that we haven't covered. we walk pretty fast, and we probably end up going...at least five or six miles a day. i know eastmoreland like the back of my hand. anyway, now we're going to go to the rhodie gardens every tuesday and wednesday, because we could really use all of the scenic variation we can get.
i started riding my bike to school, because both my feet and my schedule deserve less walking, but after only two days i'm left with a dilemma. see, there's a reason i never ride my bike: it has the hardest seat ever created. i'm not kidding. it's a shitty bike anyway ($100 at fred meyer...) but my seat bones were bruised when i got on this morning. ALREADY. all i did yesterday was ride to school and back. that's a total of 2 miles. um...last i checked, that's not very far. especially on a bike. SO. do i get a new bike seat? is it worth it? i want a new bike, but i don't know that i can really afford one right now. or it's at least not in the budget. are bike seats transferrable enough that i can get a nice seat now and then replace the seat on my someday new bike? i know i can ask my brother the biker these questions, but it's rather pressing. riding home today was VERY uncomfortable.
on a different note,

Date:	2008-02-20 15:41
Subject:	:-)
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

i've been getting a lot of letters lately. it makes me very happy.
i'm going to go to the post office tomorrow so i can get stamps and send everything i've written back.
also, the "serious" rain was supposed to start today, but it's SUNNY. BLUE SKY. luckily i got to sit outside all day and read at the back of the north wind for my thesis. it's a bit bizarre. i don't think i recommend it (think water babies cutesy/moral/victorian/CHERUBS/ugh) but it does certainly lend an interesting vector to my thesis.

dexter and i have started walking for 2 hours every day, because that's what's good for him. and my girlish figure. i do not have time to exercize myself and my dog separately. exercise is one word i can never spell. i think it should be a z. so that's why i'm not going to correct that first one.

i have a chem test on friday, but otherwise i'm feeling good about this week being almost over.

Date:	2008-02-18 16:53
Subject:	ugh
Security:	Public
Mood:	stressed

i haven't mentioned it lately, but i hate chemistry. that's all i really need to say.
one of the things i look forward to the most with graduating is that i won't have to feel guilty anymore (or at least not nearly as often) for not doing as much as i should. no professors giving me that look like, "you disappoint me. i should fail you for that" (i don't actually get that look that often, but i did today and it made me feel like pond scum) or me imagining that look and tying my muscles up in knots worrying about these things or what my professors think of me...
arrgh. lab was just very frustrating today. much like...last week's lab! hate hate hate.
i'm thinking i might have to go out to dinner tonight. i made a deal with mark that every time i write 10 pages of my thesis, we go out to dinner. well, i haven't done that since the last time we went out. but i think maybe i need it. i do have to write another paper tonight, though.
fru-fru-FRUSTRATION.
i just talked to mark. he doesn't want to go out. i understand that, but now i don't know what i'm going to do. i don't like going out by myself. hmm....hmm...hmm...
good things about today?...  .... .... i got free lunch?

i decided yesterday that i actually do like valentine's day. the reason why it started is stupid, of course, but i like the idea of celebrating love. so i bought flowers, and i made cupcakes, and i bought some delicious apple cider (newton's folly at trader joe's is the best apple cider i've had so far) and i bought delicious super torta burritos (i had a nice semi-conversation with the burrito guy, though i felt bad for him, because when i asked him if he was having a good valentine's day, he told me that he'd been there the entire day, and since i got there around 5:30, i figured he'd be there until closing at 9:30). so mark and i had a good valentine's day. mark even said he thought about buying me flowers, but he didn't know how to carry them home on his bike.
besides, depending how you look at it, valentine's day could be our 3 year anniversary. it makes me feel old to say that, but i suppose i am starting to be old.
when i was walking home from school today i was thinking about how maybe i should have gone to a school with a more pleasant climate for me (eg, ARIZONA), but then i wouldn't have met mark (or any of my other friends here, of course). then i thought, whoa, i could have met another guy there and been just as happy. not necessarily, but it could have happened. i realize it's relatively rare to do well with so little shopping around, but maybe i would have been just as lucky with my first college date at a different college.

ok. i really have to change the tv channel. i accidentally ended up on the 700 club. i thought it was a crime show, but then the cop who got shot in a traffic stop found jesus christ as his lord and savior. then he forgave the guy who shot him. now they're buddies and he visits the guy in prison.

Date:	2008-02-06 16:19
Subject:	wasting time
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold

i've become somewhat obsessed about reading the lj of one of my favorite authors. she only started her blog a couple months ago (ok, september) and when i first read it, i realized i didn't know what she was talking about, so i decided to go back and read ALL of it. from the beginning. now i find myself sitting with an hour or more trickling away while i read about her life, even though i don't find all of her entries that interesting. but enough of them ARE personally very interesting - she has dogs, and she talks about them all of the time, or she talks about new books/stories - that i can't stop myself. i look forward to finishing the back entries so i can go back to spending only ten minutes or so on lj. i'm not really sorry that i've been reading it, but...i guess i wish i had more self control. ie, i should be writing my THESIS instead of reading a blog with oprah in the background (i think oprah is much maligned, by the way - different topic, but i think she's pretty awesome - but today's episode is rather ridiculous, with all these life coaches talking about THE SECRET and VISION BOARDS and shit like that. i'm sorry, but the power of positive thinking DOES NOT get you a better oven. seriously. positive thinking = good. leads to GOOD ATTITUDE. NOT MATERIAL OR LOVE GAINS).

i had more random things to say, generally in the sappy/appreciative mode that i've been in lately, but i have to go pick up mark from the bus stop.

once you pop, you REALLY just can't stop.


pringles. after basically not eating junk food now for a long time, i thought i was almost immune. but there isn't anything terrible for you in them, and i keep finding myself reaching for the cannister. i think part of it is that they were free, and i'm much less disciplined about eating free food than i am about eating food i paid for myself.

also, i cannot find my student id card and it is of vital importance that i do so.

Date:	2008-01-28 16:37
Subject:	spring?
Security:	Public
Mood:	hungry

it was, briefly, a beautiful day today. 

Date:	2008-01-25 00:36
Subject:	mmmm
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined

yes, i make life-changing decisions on an almost weekly basis. but i don't always share them with the internet, so not everyone knows that about me.
life-changing decisions i have made (thus far) this week:
- move to arizona after this summer. it's warm there. and i like deserts. plus, rent = insanely cheap.
- find really chill landlord who loves dogs.
- train to be a vet tech while volunteering/working at humane society/shelter/mall (i'm not picky)
- revolutionize arizona shelters
- down with EUTHANASIA: FOSTERFOSTERFOSTERFOSTER
- go to triple crown academy in texas and learn to be the best dog trainer/behavioralist there ever was or will be
- start dog shelter where dogs are so well trained and loved that people the world over will want to adopt them and there will be no more dog killing.

that's about it.



do i regret going to super fancy expensive elite school? nooo..... i suppose not.

Date:	2008-01-23 10:37
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

last night i had probably the scariest dream i've ever had in my life.
first, i was driving to downtown san jose at night with my dad, but my dad wasn't really directing me, so i didn't really know where i was going and my vision started getting blurry. eventually we got to where we were going, which was a little mexican food stand, where we got honeydew with pumpkin seeds. ? i was really hungry, though, so i just started eating some other food at the stand. after a minute, i noticed that dad was walking away, so i hurried after him. however, my sight continued to get blurrier and blurrier, so i was just following a light-colored blur, because my dad was wearing a khaki trenchcoat. i got within an inch of the blur, so that i could (almost) really see it, and it was a lady wearing a yellow shirt. i panicked, because i had no idea where my dad was. i started running around looking for him, and i ended up in a hookah lounge, though i kept running through it because i couldn't see to find my way out, and it was very dark and all of these blurs kept reaching out to me. finally i ran into mark, who picked me up and carried me to the car, but then when i looked again, it was my dad. i told him i'd been hallucinating, and he said something that made me feel worse. i still couldn't see.

that's all i remember. not being able to see is pretty much my biggest phobia.



speaking of scary, don't see alex and emma. i know, it got universally panned by critics, but i thought the premise was cool, and i really like luke wilson's nose, so i thought...i have to enjoy it, right? grr.

Date:	2008-01-21 18:17
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick

i can't stop coughing.
i need to stop being sick so i can (for once) not let down my thesis adviser and have stuff to turn in to him at our first meeting.
besides, if i don't get better soon, mark will make me go to the doctor. i hate going to the doctor.




sometimes all i care about are dogs, clothes, and love stories.

Date:	2008-01-05 21:17
Subject:	morgan gets political
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

i don't like ms. clinton. 

Date:	2008-01-03 16:13
Subject:	praise jesus
Security:	Public
Mood:	grateful

i passed chemistry. huzzah! 

Date:	2007-12-28 15:58
Subject:	letters, i.e. end of the year love-fest
Security:	Public
Mood:	grateful

while i'm home my mom wants me to go through my stuff and do some culling. i've spent most of today going through all of my letters. out of sentimentality/a sense of obligation, i have essentially every letter ever written to me (or at least i did until i started going through them.) i'm keeping a lot of them, but a lot are nothing special, or evoke no real sentiment, so after final perusal they're being recycled. 
letters that made me happy:
alissa: you wrote me several letters in elementary school, most during the summer, even though we talked on the phone on a fairly regular basis (i remember yours was one of the only phone numbers i had memorized) and it made me happy to read the letters because they were all very earnest. in each you mainly asked questions, and at the end of each letter or on the envelope you wrote "please write back soon to answer my questions." i'm keeping at least one of them as representative of the whole. so, it made me think of you. merry christmas and i hope you continue to enjoy england.
amanda: all of amanda's letters are quirky, dry, and usually follow some theme. it is clear that she strives never to be boring with her letters. it is lame that she is no longer on livejournal so i can read about her life. 
beth: it's hard for me to throw out any of beth's letters or cards (and, in fact, i'm keeping most of them) because she's so sincere and never hesitates to say how she feels, which is something i always do. all of her letters talk about how glad she is to have me as a friend, why she loves me, she wishes she saw me more often, etc etc. i never say anything like that, and i don't know that i'll ever be able to reach her level, but i'm going to work more on letting people know how much they mean to me. 
liz: during high school i saw a lot more of liz than i did of anyone else, so i don't have very many letters from her, but in christmas cards and other places, liz is another person who freely shares her emotions and doesn't get embarrassed about loving people. 
it's taken probably far longer than it should, but i'm finally beginning to be able to think of kersi as more than just a ridiculous person from my past. yes, i still think of him that way sometimes, but i came across a note he wrote me at some point that just said "you're the most beautiful girl in the world," and it made me smile. it's nice at least that someone has thought that about me, even if it is a bit over-the-top. and i admit to for some reason being re-smitten with mark lately (i say that like it's a bad thing, but it's wonderful) but finding that note made me appreciate mark even more, because he's not a very effusive person, and it's taken a very long time for him to be able to say "i love you" freely, which makes it mean even more to me. 
unfortunately i am afflicted with the "out of sight, out of mind" mindset generally when it comes to my friends - or more accurately if i think about them, i'm too lazy to do anything about it, because they're too far away - but i will do my best to be a better friend.

Date:	2007-12-19 21:52
Subject:	grr
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold

the volvo just died a couple of hours ago. mark and ian had to push it into the driveway. luckily i got it to coast until it was across the street from my house, but it was still not so much fun (more so for mark and ian, as i was merely steering.)
at first this was seeming like a very bad thing, and it still could be, but if i'm "lucky" the volvo will be totaled and the only reasonable thing to do with it will be to donate it to some deserving charity, and then i can get some nice little fuel-efficient car that doesn't have to be repaired by people from sweden. i used to love the volvo, but my affections are waning.
but i'm going home tomorrow! whooooo!!!!!!

ps. - today i finished reading atonement by ian mcewan and it was excellent. i highly recommend it to everyone.

Date:	2007-12-11 03:19
Subject:	good golly i'm tired of school
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

i really wonder how it is that it is now 3:19 am, i have a paper - which i already got extended this morning - due now tomorrow at 10 am, and yet i only have one double-spaced page? it's supposed to be 10-12. i haven't even done the reading for it (i mean, there's supposed to be a critical component. i did the class readings)
i no longer really feel bad for being lazy/hating schoolwork, only frustrated that it makes my life harder. i also have a really irritating habit of getting sick - actually sick, not faking - whenever i have a concrete deadline, especially if it's a final final final deadline. all of today i've had a stomachache and a sinus headache. i took the sudafed i was prescribed (so stupid) a few days ago, and it didn't really help with either. anyway, now i'm thinking about how nice it would be to just go fall asleep snuggling with mark, who sleeps so deeply that he wouldn't notice me rearranging his limbs to suit myself. or when i shove him away because he produces so much heat it burns.
the only thing i feel bad about it letting jay down - i'll have a paper by 10:00, i always do - but i know he cares a lot about his students and their work, and works hard to write insightful comments and help us to be better writers/learn/etc., but i just don't care. luckily i write well, and i write even better under pressure, but...i'm putting no effort whatsoever into this. i just want to be graduated, so i can have a place with just me and mark and dexter (and dexter's girlfriend, if/when i'm allowed to get another dog) and i won't have to listen to my brother have sex - yes, he finally got a girlfriend, and she NEVER LEAVES and SHE'S LOUD - and i can have a job, and buy things i want, and be financially responsible, and make my bed every day like a grownup.
whine whine whine.


on the positive side, in no particular order:
- my dog is adorable when he snores
- i love mark and he loves me
- beautiful boots and socks will be coming for me in the mail tomorrow
-after wednesday at 2:00 i will only have ONE MORE SEMESTER OF SCHOOL (assuming i pass chemistry)
- my room is truly clean for the first time since i moved in, and i see hope of keeping it that way
- i'm learning to get rid of negative thoughts about myself and the people i love (strangers, i'm still very judgmental. like my brother's girlfriend, who has ugly dyed hair and is a yeller.)
- it's very close to christmas, i'm practically done with my shopping, gelsey's going to feed my dog, so i don't have to stress out about that anymore, i'm FINALLY going to spend  a christmas with mark, i get a free trip to massachusetts... there's so much good stuff about christmas i could go on forever. it's going to be amazing to read all of the books i want without the panicky thought in the back of my head that i could be doing work for school.

however. it is now 3:40 am and i should really either be taking a short nap in preparation of writing my paper, or writing it.
 

Date:	2007-12-07 13:22
Subject:	I'll be good for the rest of my life, I promise
Security:	Public
Mood:	stressed

dear God/Jesus/Santa Claus:
pleaseplasepleaseplease let me pass chemistry. i know i don't really deserve it, considering how much less work i've put into it than i needed to in order to do well, but i have worked pretty hard for me, and it makes me want to die, so you understand why i don't study all of the time, right? thanks.
love,
morgan
ps - in general, you gave me a pretty shitty year last year, so, not to boss you around, but i really feel like i'm owed.